You’re Not Just Light … You’re Shadows Too

At some point in our lives, we’ve all been told to “focus on the positive,” “be the light,” or “choose kindness.”

And while those sentiments carry value, they can sometimes paint an incomplete picture of what it means to be fully human.

The truth is, you are not just light. You are shadows, too.

Embracing both sides, the light and the dark, is necessary for self-understanding and authentic connection with others.

So, let’s explore some practical examples, dig deeper into this idea, and use the lens of personality (in this case, the somewhat simplistic but well-known Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI)) to appreciate the full spectrum of who we are as humans.

The Myth of Pure Goodness

We often romanticise the idea of “nice people.”

They’re warm, giving, and supportive. They bring cupcakes to the office, offer a listening ear, and seem endlessly selfless. But being “nice” is not the same as being whole.

Let’s consider a classic example. Jane is beloved at work. She organises birthday parties, volunteers for extra duties, and never complains.

But Joan privately feels exhausted and resentful. Her kindness stems not just from generosity, but also from a deep need to be liked. She fears rejection. She overextends herself, not from abundance, but from anxiety.

Psychologists call this dynamic “impression management” (Leary & Kowalski, 1990). It’s a tendency to control how we are perceived.

Even our most generous acts may be tinged with the hope of approval or the fear of exclusion. That doesn’t mean we’re bad; it means we’re complex.

Shadows in the Mirror

Carl Jung coined the term “shadow self” to describe the unconscious parts of ourselves we often reject or deny, such as jealousy, aggression, insecurity, and others.

The more we repress these traits, the more likely they will emerge in unhealthy ways.

Take toxic positivity, for example.

Someone might always project happiness and cheerfulness while privately suppressing sadness, grief, or anger. Over time, this can lead to disconnection, emotional numbness, or even burnout.

In trying to be all light, they dim their truth.

The irony?

The more you deny your shadow, the more power it holds over you.

Nice Does Not Equal Whole

Consider kindness as a spectrum rather than a moral badge.

A genuinely kind person is honest, boundary-aware, and emotionally present, not just someone who smiles or avoids conflict.

Think of someone like Rosa Parks.

Her defiance wasn’t gentle or agreeable; it was courageous and disruptive. Her “light” was inseparable from the fire of resistance.

Her strength came from integrating kindness and shadow, compassion with clarity, empathy with truth.

Light and Dark in Personality

The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) is a personality framework based on Carl Jung's theories.

It categorises individuals into one of 16 personality types using four dichotomies: introversion–extraversion, Sensing–intuition, Thinking–feeling, and Judging–perceiving.

Its strength lies in its simplicity and accessibility. It offers a language for understanding personal preferences, communication styles, and interpersonal dynamics.

However, the MBTI has limitations: It can oversimplify complex personalities, lacks strong predictive validity, and doesn’t account for behaviour changes over time or context.

Despite these shortcomings, the MBTI (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator) offers a robust framework for exploring personality preferences.

While not a perfect or predictive science, it is a useful mirror for reflecting on our behaviours, motivations, and patterns.

Every type carries admirable qualities (the “light”) and natural challenges (the “shadow”). Recognising both helps us better understand ourselves and others.

Here’s how that duality might appear across all 16 MBTI types:

1. ISTJ – The Inspector

• Light Side: Responsible, disciplined, and reliable. ISTJs value tradition, order, and hard work, often serving as stabilisers in chaotic situations.

• Shadow Side: Can become rigid, overly critical, or emotionally detached. Their adherence to rules may make them inflexible or resistant to change.

2. ISFJ – The Protector

• Light Side: Loyal, nurturing, and thoughtful. ISFJs are quiet caretakers who go the extra mile to meet others’ needs.

• Shadow Side: May neglect their well-being, become passive-aggressive, or internalise resentment from unexpressed emotions or unmet expectations.

3. INFJ – The Advocate

• Light Side: Insightful, empathetic, and idealistic. INFJs see deep emotional undercurrents and seek to make the world better.

• Shadow Side: They can become overly perfectionistic, withdrawn, or resentful if their values are compromised or their ideals are unmet.

4. INTJ – The Mastermind

• Light Side: Strategic, visionary, and independent. INTJs plan long-term and excel at intellectual challenges.

• Shadow Side: May come across as arrogant or emotionally distant. They might dismiss others’ feelings in favour of logic and control.

5. ISTP – The Virtuoso

• Light Side: Resourceful, adaptable, and calm under pressure. ISTPs enjoy hands-on problem solving and live in the moment.

• Shadow Side: Can be emotionally aloof, impulsive, or prone to risk-taking. May avoid emotional intimacy or responsibility.

6. ISFP – The Composer

• Light Side: Gentle, artistic, and compassionate. ISFPs value beauty, harmony, and personal authenticity.

• Shadow Side: May withdraw when criticised, become overly sensitive, or struggle with assertiveness and decision-making.

7. INFP – The Mediator

• Light Side: Idealistic, creative, and deeply principled. INFPs care about meaning and live by strong internal values.

• Shadow Side: Can be overly self-critical, prone to escapism, or disillusioned when reality doesn’t match their ideals.

8. INTP – The Thinker

• Light Side: Analytical, curious, and intellectually independent. INTPs love exploring abstract ideas and systems.

• Shadow Side: Can be emotionally detached, overly sceptical, or dismissive of practicality and interpersonal nuance.

9. ESTP – The Dynamo

• Light Side: Energetic, pragmatic, and action-oriented. ESTPs thrive in high-stakes situations and are often natural entrepreneurs.

• Shadow Side: May act recklessly, ignore consequences, or avoid deeper emotional reflection. Can struggle with patience and foresight.

10. ESFP – The Entertainer

• Light Side: Charismatic, fun-loving, and emotionally expressive. ESFPs live for the moment and uplift those around them.

• Shadow Side: Can avoid responsibility or conflict, chase pleasure at the expense of depth, or struggle with long-term planning.

11. ENFP – The Campaigner

• Light Side: Enthusiastic, imaginative, and emotionally intuitive. ENFPs are inspiring and deeply connected to others.

• Shadow Side: May be easily distracted, struggle with commitment, or avoid hard conversations in fear of disrupting harmony.

12. ENTP – The Debater

• Light Side: Innovative, witty, and intellectually bold. ENTPs love challenging ideas and pushing boundaries.

• Shadow Side: Can be argumentative, restless, or insensitive to emotional nuance. May neglect follow-through on projects.

13. ESTJ – The Executive

• Light Side: Assertive, dependable, and organised. ESTJs are natural leaders who value efficiency and results.

• Shadow Side: May become controlling, judgmental, or dismissive of emotional needs in favour of productivity.

14. ESFJ – The Consul

• Light Side: Warm, responsible, and socially adept. ESFJs are caretakers who create connection and harmony in groups.

• Shadow Side: They can be people-pleasers, fear disapproval, or avoid conflict, suppressing their need to maintain peace.

15. ENFJ – The Protagonist

• Light Side: Charismatic, empathetic, and altruistic. ENFJs are natural leaders who uplift and unite others.

• Shadow Side: May become overly self-sacrificing, overbearing in their desire to help, or emotionally overextended.

16. ENTJ – The Commander

• Light Side: Strategic, confident, and goal-oriented. ENTJs are decisive and capable leaders who bring visions to life.

• Shadow Side: May steamroll others, appear insensitive, or prioritise achievement over empathy and collaboration.

These dualities demonstrate that we cannot be all things to all people. We are a combination of strengths and weaknesses.

The key is to be aware of them, so we can wield our strengths responsibly and address our blind spots with humility.

From Darkness Comes Growth

Growth doesn’t emerge from perfection. It comes from wrestling with your contradictions.

For example, if you’re an ENFP, a bubbly, idea-filled, freedom-seeking person.

You might love novelty and hate routine. But what happens when you want to build something lasting, like a committed relationship or a business?

You may have to work through your fear of boredom or your resistance to structure. You can integrate stability into your natural spontaneity only when you face that discomfort.

Similarly, an INTJ’s strength is in planning and strategy.

But their shadow might be an impatience with emotion or an overvaluation of logic. Their challenge? Learning to value the human element, not just efficiency.

In both cases, growth comes not by erasing the shadow, but by illuminating it.

Practical Tools to Embrace Your Duality

1. Self-Reflection Journaling

Try daily or weekly journaling prompts:

• What part of me felt insecure today?

• When did I act from fear rather than love?

• What am I afraid others might discover about me?

2. Feedback Conversations

Ask trusted friends or partners: “What’s something I do that’s unhelpful, even if well-intentioned?” You may be surprised by shadows in your “nicest” traits.

3. Shadow Work Practices

Based on Jungian psychology, shadow work involves actively exploring the parts of ourselves we repress. Books like Debbie Ford’s “The Dark Side of the Light Chasers” offer guided questions and exercises for this.

Shadow Doesn’t Mean Sinister

It’s tempting to think of your shadow as the “bad stuff,” but it’s not that simple.

Sometimes, our shadow contains repressed strengths like assertiveness, ambition, sexual desire, and independence, which we may have learned to hide because they weren’t rewarded.

A woman raised in a conservative culture might repress her leadership instincts.

A man taught to be stoic might repress his emotional sensitivity.

Shadow work is about confronting your “ugliness” and reclaiming your wholeness.

Relationships Thrive in Wholeness

When we embrace both light and shadow, our relationships improve.

Why?

Because we stop demanding perfection from ourselves or others.

You might notice that your partner is controlling. Instead of labelling them as “bad,” consider what fear might be driving that behaviour.

Fear of abandonment, perhaps, or of losing influence?

It doesn’t excuse poor conduct, but it offers context.

Similarly, when you own your flaws, e.g. “I know I sometimes seek validation”, you create space for honesty and repair.

Wholeness invites empathy. It builds bridges instead of walls.

The Courage to Be Whole

To be human is to be paradoxical. You are both the one who comforts and the one who sometimes wounds.

You are the one who lifts others and the one who sometimes lets them down.

And yet, you are worthy, lovable, and complete; not because you are only good, but because you are whole.

Imagine yourself as the sky. There are bright days filled with sunlight and stormy afternoons when thunder rolls and darkness settles in. Both are real. Both are valid.

You are not meant to live only in the light. You are meant to know the rain and the wind, too. That’s where compassion grows. That’s where depth is born.

As Carl Jung wisely said, “One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.”

Until next time, may you be the light that understands the dark.

Dion Le Roux

References

1. Ford, D. (1998). The Dark Side of the Light Chasers. New York: Riverhead Books.

2. Jung, C. G. (1959). Aion: Researches into the Phenomenology of the Self. Princeton University Press.

3. Leary, M. R., & Kowalski, R. M. (1990). Impression Management: A Literature Review and Two-Component Model. Psychological Bulletin, 107(1), 34–47.

4. Myers, I. B., & Briggs Foundation. (2023). MBTI® Basics. Retrieved from https://www.myersbriggs.org

5. Young-Eisendrath, P. (1997). The Resilient Spirit: Transforming Suffering into Insight and Renewal. Perseus Books.