Conversations With Yourself

Have you ever caught yourself in mid-thought and wondered, “Who exactly am I talking to?”

The voice in your head—sometimes encouraging, sometimes critical—narrates your life, debates your choices, and even argues with itself. But if it’s your mind producing these thoughts, then who is listening?

This strange loop of self-reflection is at the heart of human consciousness.

We are both the speaker and the listener, creating an internal dialogue that defines our identity. This process is not just idle chatter; it’s a psychological mechanism that shapes our perception of reality, influences our decisions, and determines our sense of self.

To better understand this, it is useful to examine Carl Jung’s analytical psychology, Friedrich Nietzsche’s philosophy, and some of the broader mysteries of the human psyche.

The Mind as a Hall of Mirrors

The human mind operates like a hall of mirrors, endlessly reflecting itself.

Carl Jung, one of the pioneers of depth psychology, believed that much of this internal dialogue stems from different aspects of the psyche. He describes these aspects as the persona (the mask we wear in social settings), the ego (our conscious sense of self), and the shadow (the hidden, often suppressed parts of ourselves).

When we talk to ourselves, these different elements are often at play.

One moment, our persona might say, “You need to act professionally in this meeting”. But our shadow might whisper back, “Why do you care so much what they think”?

This internal debate isn’t meaningless—it’s a conversation between different aspects of the self.

Friedrich Nietzsche took this idea further, arguing that our inner voice is shaped by external forces—society, culture, and inherited beliefs.

He warned that most people live by values they haven’t truly examined, shaped by what he called “slave morality”, i.e. ideas imposed by external authorities rather than self-created principles.

When we engage in self-talk, we often echo these influences without realising it.

Who Is the Mind Talking To?

This brings us back to our initial question: “Who listens when we talk to ourselves”?

The answer is deceptively simple—our own mind. But this creates a paradox: if we are both the speaker and the listener, does that mean we are just reinforcing our beliefs in an endless loop?

Cognitive science suggests that much of what we experience as “thinking” is just pattern recognition and reinforcement.

When you tell yourself, "I am bad at public speaking," your brain reinforces that belief through repetition.

Psychologists call this confirmation bias—we seek out and reinforce ideas that match what we already believe. The mind is a self-reinforcing system, shaping its reality through continuous internal dialogue.

This is where shadow work, a concept developed by Jung, becomes crucial.

The shadow consists of the repressed aspects of ourselves—things we don’t want to acknowledge, like fears, insecurities, or desires we consider unacceptable.

Engaging in self-reflection and confronting the shadow breaks the loop of unconscious reinforcement, allowing us to integrate hidden aspects of ourselves into our conscious identity.

The Psychology of Perception: Reality Is a Projection

The mind does not passively receive reality—it actively constructs it.

Neuroscientists and psychologists have shown that what we perceive as “the world” is really a mental model built from sensory input and past experiences.

In a famous experiment by psychologist Richard Gregory, participants were shown ambiguous images that could be interpreted in multiple ways. Their prior experiences shaped what they saw first.

This supports the idea that perception is not objective; instead, it is filtered through our personal histories and unconscious biases.

Now, consider how this applies to self-talk.

If you constantly tell yourself, I am not good enough, your mind constructs a world where that is true. Your brain filters out evidence to the contrary, reinforcing your belief.

This is why challenging negative self-talk is so powerful—it disrupts perception's self-reinforcing nature.

The Social Mirror: How Others Shape Our Inner Dialogue

Our internal conversations are not entirely self-generated. From childhood, we absorb voices from parents, teachers, and society, which become embedded in our psyche.

Sociologist Charles Cooley explored this concept in his “looking-glass self” theory. It suggests that we develop our identity based on how we think others perceive us.

For example, if you were constantly told as a child that you were smart, your internal dialogue likely reflects that belief. But if you were frequently criticised, you might have an inner voice that mirrors those negative judgments. The mind internalises these external voices, making them feel like our own.

Nietzsche warned about this external influence, urging individuals to become “Übermensch”—someone who transcends societal conditioning to create their own values.

He argued that most people live under inherited moral systems rather than questioning and choosing their paths.

To reclaim our inner voice, we must examine where our self-perceptions come from and decide which beliefs genuinely serve us.

Breaking the Loop: Rewriting Our Internal Narrative

If our internal dialogue shapes our identity and reality, our self-talk can change our lives. This is why cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and mindfulness meditation are so effective.

CBT, developed by Aaron Beck, focuses on identifying and changing negative thought patterns. If you tell yourself, I will fail this exam, CBT encourages you to challenge that belief: Is there evidence for this? Have I studied? Have I succeeded in the past?

By breaking the automatic reinforcement loop, you rewire your thought patterns.

Mindfulness, on the other hand, teaches you to observe your thoughts without judgment. Instead of getting caught in endless self-talk, you step back and recognise that thoughts are just thoughts—not absolute truths.

This helps disrupt the cycle of reinforcing negative identities.

Jungian shadow work takes this even deeper by encouraging individuals to explore the hidden aspects of themselves. Instead of rejecting uncomfortable thoughts or emotions, shadow work teaches us to integrate them into our self-concept.

If you feel envy, instead of suppressing it, you should ask, "What does this emotion reveal about my desires?" By acknowledging and working with our hidden parts, we become more whole.

The Paradox of Self-Discovery

A paradox emerges as we explore our inner conversations: the more we question our thoughts, the less solid our identity becomes.

But this isn’t a crisis—it’s freedom.

Realising that we are not confined to a single, fixed self allows for growth and transformation.

Nietzsche called this “becoming”—the idea that we are constantly evolving, always in a state of self-creation. Accurate self-awareness doesn’t come from silencing the inner dialogue but from understanding and guiding it.

So the next time you catch yourself in conversation with yourself, pause and ask: “Who is speaking? Who is listening”?

Recognising that your mind is both creates an opportunity—to change the script, rewrite the narrative, and ultimately, shape your reality.

Until next time, may the conversations with yourself be invigorating.

Dion Le Roux

References

1. Beck, A. T. (1976). Cognitive Therapy and the Emotional Disorders. International Universities Press.

2. Cooley, C. H. (1902). Human Nature and the Social Order. Scribner’s.

3. Gregory, R. L. (1997). Eye and Brain: The Psychology of Seeing. Princeton University Press.

4. Jung, C. G. (1951). Aion: Researches into the Phenomenology of the Self. Princeton University Press.

5. Nietzsche, F. (1883). Thus Spoke Zarathustra. Penguin Classics.